Set 5 Review

After not having a meeting in over a month, a review was in order for this past Sunday's meeting, so we took another look at the topics covered in Set 5...Gratefulness, Complaining and Murmuring, Gossip, and Disrespect.

We also got to read our letters from a new pen pal group that is right here in our state!  A big hello to the Cle Elum Bright Lights group :)

Gratefulness

-          An attitude of gratefulness is only possible if we are willing to trust that God knows best in every detail of our lives.  God deserves our thanks and gratitude not only when we are happy with our circumstances, but also when we are suffering, disappointed, or when we do not understand why a difficult situation is happening.

-          Remember that rejoicing is a decision – primarily an act of the will, not of the emotions.  Do not give into the enemy’s attacks of discouragement.

 “Do all things without grumbling or disputing; that you may prove yourselves to be blameless and innocent, children of God above reproach in the midst of a crooked and perverse generation, among whom you appear as lights in the world,”  Philippians 2: 14 – 15

Complaining and Murmuring

-          Whenever we complain, we are actually complaining against the Lord.  Complaining demonstrates that we are not fully trusting God.

-          The Lord’s command is not simply that we do not complain, but that we actually rejoice in suffering!  Think about our Lord’s suffering on the cross and consider what is written in scripture:

“Therefore, since we have so great a cloud of witnesses surrounding us, let us also lay aside every encumbrance, and the sin which so easily entangles us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfector of faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.  For consider Him who has endured such hostility by sinners against Himself, so that you may not grow weary and lose heart.”  Hebrews 12: 1 – 3

-          Jesus was made perfect through suffering.

“It was fitting that God . . . should make the author of their salvation perfect through suffering" (Hebrews 2:10).

The whole earthly life of Jesus is summed up in one phrase. He was made “perfect through suffering.” But wasn’t Jesus perfect when he was born in the manger? And didn’t he live a sinless life? Wasn’t his death the death of an innocent man? 

Yes. He was morally perfect. That is one kind of perfection or completion.  But there is another kind of perfection or completion that comes only by experience. Jesus entered fully into the sufferings of this world and emerged victorious over them. He was completed in his experience on the earth by the things he suffered. That is why he may be called the “author” of our salvation.

Christ came to blaze the trail so we might follow him on to glory. But the trail is marked with suffering, with tears, with rejection, and it ultimately leads to the cross. Anyone who follows Jesus will end up where he ended up–outside Jerusalem on a hill shaped like a skull. He is not just leading us to heaven. He is leading us to glory. There is glory at the end of the Christian life. Jesus came from heaven so we might follow him in suffering and like him be made complete through suffering.

That explains so much that happens to us. What is God doing in your life and in mine? He is putting us through the Curriculum of Grace in the School of Suffering. School starts the moment we trust Christ and ends the day we die. How will we ever pass the test and win the degree? By keeping our eyes on Jesus. He’s the valedictorian of the class. He never failed a test. He blazed the trail through the School of Suffering that we might follow in his path. He is leading us to glory one step at a time.

Choose joy in the midst of suffering.

“Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance.  And let endurance have its perfect result, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.”  James: 2 – 4

It is possible to see problems as exciting opportunities.  As we purpose to give thanks in everything, we can then wait in expectation to see God’s plan unfold.

“And we know that God causes all things (His choices, your choices, the choices of others…) to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.”  Romans 8: 28

-          Be prepared for the tests God may bring into your life this week.  Purpose to give thanks, not complain.

Disrespect

Set 5 Meeting 4 – Disrespect

Announcements:  

Break for month of April

Letters from local group 

Letters to New Zealand penpals

Stories

Elisha 2Kings 2:23-24

Personal testimonies

Sword Drill

Ex. 20:12     Lev. 19:  3, 32     Deut. 27:16                        

1 Sam. 15:23     Prov. 1: 8-9     Prov. 3:  34

Prov. 20 – 20     Prov. 23:22     Prov. 29:8

Prov. 30:17     2 Tim. 3:2

Main concepts

It is easy to fall into the habit of speaking disrespectfully to your parents.  Often you will get so used to talking in a disrespectful way that you hardly even realize the wrong attitudes you allow.

Disrespect is a sign of rebellion, an outward evidence of an inner attitude.  Disrespect can be very subtle and thus seem like a small thing, but the Bible makes it clear just how serious the sin of rebellion is – even equating it with the sin of witchcraft (1 Sam. 15:23)  

We should  be on our guard against even the smallest manifestations of disrespect or rebellion, knowing how serious it is in God’s eyes, and knowing that it will only get worse.

Attitude is key – if you have the right attitude there will be no disrespect.  If you have a wrong attitude it will be almost impossible to avoid disrespect.

“A wise son maketh a glad father:  but a foolish man despiseth his mother.”  Prov. 15:20

Making it Personal

List of ways to show respect to parents.

What are the consequences of disrespect.

How can our attitude affect those around us, especially younger siblings or girls who look up to us and are following our example.

Dangers and symptoms of various kinds of wrong attitudes –  self focused, critical, ungrateful, lazy, stubborn, etc.

Gossip

Set Five Meeting Three:  Gossip

Difference between Gossip and Slander:

Gossip is passing on unnecessary information to an individual that is not part of the solution.

Slander is passing on negative information with the intent of hurting or destroying the reputation of another. 

Gossip may not be spoken out of malicious motives, as slander is – yet it can be just as harmful.

Stories…

Listen to supplemental CD

Stories of great Christian men from history who have been falsely accused:  David, Joseph, Moses, Hudson Taylor (see story down below...), and of course, Jesus.

Analogies of enemies which work in ways similar to gossip by attacking and corrupting from the inside – such as decay, germs, or termites.

Personal testimonies of when you spoke negatively about someone else and the damage which resulted, or a time when you were hurt by others who gossiped about you.

Sword Drills…

Lev. 19:16     Ps. 101:5     Prov. 10:18     Prov. 11: 9, 13     Prov. 16:28

Prov. 18:8     Prov. 20:19     Prov. 21:23     Rom. 1:29

Main Concepts…

     Gossip is very serious in God’s eyes.  We shouldn’t take it lightly.  In several places in the Bible, gossip is listed along with other very serious sins, giving us a clue about just how serious gossip is in the sight of God.

     Gossip is extremely damaging in families, churches, and all other relationships.  It may seem small, but the hurts, misunderstanding, anger, and divisions it causes often have disasterous consequences.

     One of the reasons that gossip is so dangerous is because it can be so subtle and can happen very easily.  Often we gossip without even realizing what we are saying.  Therefore we need to show much discernment and guard against it with vigilance!

“He that covereth a transgression seeketh love; but he that repeateth a matter separateth intimate friends.”  Prov. 17:9

Making it Personal…

How should you respond when other gossip about you?

Before You Meet Prince Charming

Activity…

Telephone charades

Hudson Taylor

His radical ideas set a new precedent in missions.  His vision for the lost souls of China inspired hundreds of Englishmen and caused the founding of a new missionary organization.  His persuasive preaching against the evils of opium and the coolie slave trade changed Chinese society.  He was J. Hudson Taylor—founder of the China Inland Mission.  A study of this bicultural missionary reveals his amazing impact on culture, religion, economy, and politics.

Hudson Taylor, an Englishman by birth, revolutionized English thinking by fully adopting the Chinese culture.  The English and Chinese cultures are polar opposites.  Clothing, food, utensils, greetings, customs, language, housing—all combined to create tension between the English living in China and the local natives.  Taylor overcame these obstacles by announcing one day that he would adopt the Chinese dress in order to reach more souls for Christ.  He promptly shaved his head, except for a pigtail, and put on traditional Chinese clothes.  While the Chinese readily appreciated his efforts, the English community in China and his supporters back in England ridiculed him (Cromarty, 128-129).  He lived as the Chinese lived.  Instead of being called a “black foreign devil” by unruly crowds, Taylor was able to openly preach the gospel.  This cultural shock was so successful that missionaries under the new China Inland Mission were commanded to adopt the Chinese dress as a requirement for service (Cromarty, 189).  Not only did Taylor change dress, but he also stepped across social classes to reach lost souls.  His ministry filled with people from the working classes and women; both groups were normally considered unworthy by society.

Through his biculturalism, Taylor initiated a different prerequisite for religious ministry.  After founding the China Inland Mission, Taylor returned to England to recruit new missionaries.  Although Baptist in his theology and background, he readily accepted people from all Protestant backgrounds, as long as they agreed to the basic fundamentals of the faith (Cromarty, 189).  Taylor also followed the example of Paul when it came to preaching:  Paul went to the synagogues and Taylor went to the temples.  Taylor, on one occasion in the city of Chongming, climbed a large incense vase in order to preach to over five hundred people (Cromarty, 122).  While his temple preaching shocked some English supporters, Taylor won hundreds of souls to Christ.

Economics also played a role in Hudson Taylor’s biculturalism.  English propriety advertised church offerings and monthly support for missionaries.  According to the English, no money meant no ministry.  Taylor could not justify such an excuse to quit his work in China.  His example of the “faith promise” is still upheld in Christian circles today.  Taylor prayed for his daily bread, but never solicited funds.  Missionaries were not to raise monthly support but were rather to pray that God would supply every need (Steffen, 92).  His generosity endeared him to the Chinese.  In many ways, Hudson Taylor embarked upon an economic enterprise by attempting the untried method of “living by faith” (Steffen, 91-92).

Perhaps the greatest effect of Taylor’s biculturalism lies in the sphere of politics.  Taylor proved that peace could exist between the Chinese and English through his dealings with the political authorities and his handling of political issues.  When thieves stole his possessions or mobs threatened his life, Taylor always went to the local officials and pled humbly for justice.  On one occasion, when the prefect refused to see Taylor, his fellow missionary threatened to write the British consul.  The prefect promptly arrived and Taylor followed the appropriate customs of bowing and graciously made his case heard through the traditional customs.  The prefect honored his request (Cromarty, 222).  If the city rulers were hostile, Taylor remained persistent in ministry.  When a city gate was closed to him, he merely walked around to another one in order to preach inside the city walls.  God rewarded his efforts and the city ruler accepted some of his gospel literature (Cromarty, 119).  Everywhere Taylor went he advocated peace between the English and the Chinese.

Taylor kept the vast majority of his preaching to the truths of the Gospel.  However, on a few occasions, he spoke out avidly against the coolie slave trade and the opium trade.  His lectures against opium not only angered the Chinese addicts but also the British suppliers.  Taylor’s eyes had been opened to the evils of opium in the very beginning when his ship landed at Shanghai after the first Opium War (Christian History).  Every time Taylor entered port, the slave ships carrying coolies reminded him that men were being shanghaied.  Some of his political ideas caused such a stir that the Englishmen in China accused him of wanting to start a war.  After the mission was looted, an English gunboat came to the protection of the missionaries.  The Chinese accused Taylor of summoning the boat, but he declared his innocence and sent the soldiers away (Cromarty, 259-260).  Towards the end of Taylor’s missionary career, the Boxer Rebellion broke out with the support of the Empress Dowager Ci Xi.  Dozens of missionaries were slaughtered by Chinese radicals, including the majority of Taylor’s friends and associates.  Each missionary humbly walked to his or her death preaching the gospel and singing praises to God (Cromarty, 484-485).  They submitted to the political authority, even to death.

Hudson Taylor used his English background and his Chinese adopted culture to his advantage.  While in China, he was Chinese; although he continued to wear Chinese dress in England, he still gained support for missions and used his English upbringing to argue for British tolerance in China.  Hudson Taylor is the perfect example of biculturalism:  he used culture to gain hundreds of souls for Christ and what peace he could for China.

- Amelia Lloyd-Jones

Article found at  http://coffeeshopthinking.wordpress.com/2010/12/11/j-hudson-taylor-a-bicultural-missionary-in-china/

Complaining and Murmuring

Our meeting Sunday before last, was on the subject of Complaining and Murmuring.  We had 2 visitors join our group, which we're always happy about!  Please keep promoting our group to your friends as we're always accepting new girls who are interested in joining a discipleship group!

Finally, before I get into the meeting notes, please take the time to watch this 4 minute video with your girls that Sarah and Grace Mally (founder of Bright Lights) put together on the validity of Scripture in response to the recent debate between Ken Ham and Bill Nye, in which Mr. Nye questioned the authenticity and reliability of Scripture, likening it to messages being passed on in a game of Telephone.

(For those of you not familiar with this game, one person whispers a message into another person's ear, that person does the same to the next person in the circle, and so on, until the message gets to the last person and they have to say it outloud...usually by this point the message has gotten very confused and mixed up compared to the original message.  It's a fun game to play at a party, sure to get a lot of laughs...but is in no way representative of how God's Word has been passed down to us.)

Our girls need to have a ready answer when someone asks them, "How do you know the Bible is true?"...

Click on link below to watch video:

http://vimeo.com/86578040

Set 5 Meeting 2 Complaining and Murmuring

Illustrations and Stories

     Joseph 

      Israelites in the Wilderness

     Paul and Silas in Prison

     Personal testimonies

   Sword Drill

Job 5:17     Matt. 5:10-12     1 Cor. 10:10     2 Cor. 4:16-18    

Phil. 2: 14-15     Jas. 1: 2-4     Heb. 12:11     1 Pet. 4:13   Jude 16

Main Concepts

Whenever we complain, we are actually complaining against the Lord.  Complaining demonstrates that we are not fully trusting God.

         Most people are so used to complaining that they do not even realize they are doing it.  In a normal home, various forms of grumbling are usually heard every few minutes.  How often do you murmur or speak words of discontentment?

    The Lord’s command is not simply that we do not complain, but that we actually rejoice in suffering!  See upcoming “problems” as exciting opportunities to purpose to give thanks in everything…then we can wait in expectation to see God’s plans unfold.

   Additional material

Why might God allow suffering in our lives, why is it necessary, and how does He desire us to respond?
     
Establish the habit of giving thanks to God for every problem, big or little…be willing to give thanks first and understand why later.

Make a list of the many rewards and benefits which Scripture explains will result from suffering.

   Before You Meet Prince Charming

Craft

Tea

GRATEFULNESS

We have officially started the new set of materials, and are now on the back half of the entire program!  Set Five Meeting One was on the topic of Gratefulness...here's a quick little video I had planned on showing the girls, but ran out of time.  That's the great thing about this blog, I can always add things in that get missed at the meeting :)

                         SET FIVE / MEETING ONE  -  GRATEFULNESS

Introduction to the Set

Set 5 “Children of God without Fault” is based upon Philippians 2: 14-15 “Do all things without murmurings and disputings:  That ye may be blameless and harmless, the sons of God, without rebuke, in the midst of a crooked and perverse nation, among whom ye shine as lights in the world.”

This verse brings our attention to the fact that in order to be lights in the world, we need to make it through each circumstance of life with no murmurings or disputings.  This set expands on that idea encouraging young ladies to examine their words.  Complaining, arguing, teasing, gossip, and disrespect will be discussed in detail.  The reason that we start with the topic of graftefulness is because it is an underlying trait required to apply to our next meeting (complaining), and it is an important character trait to be working on through this entire set.

Rejoicing is a decision – primarily an act of the will, not of emotions.  Do not give into the enemy’s attacks of discouragement.  Stop and consider the amazing privilege it is to be a servant of the Most High God.  May His joy be yours all the day (Ps. 5:11)  “But let all who take refuge in Thee be glad, let them every sing for joy; and mayest Thou shelter them, that those who love Thy name may exult in Thee.”

Stories

The story of the ten lepers (Luke 17: 11-19)

Personal testimony of a time when you complained, instead of showing gratefulness, or when the Lord reminded you to show gratitude in the midst of difficulty.   Explain any consequences or blessings resulting from your attitude.

Personal testimony of a time when someone else expressed gratefulness to you (or failed to be grateful) and how this affected you.

     

Sword Drill

Deut. 8:10     Ps. 119: 62,71,75     Lk. 17: 11-19     Eph. 5: 19-20    Phil. 4: 6, 11-13    

1 Chr. 16:8    Col. 3:15   1 Thess. 5:18    1 Tim. 1:12    Heb. 13:15    1 Peter 2:9  

Col. 1: 11-12

Main Concepts to Stress:

An attitude of gratefulness is only possible if we are willing trust that God knows best in every detail of our lives.  God deserves our thanks and gratitude not only when we are happy with our circumstances, but also when we are suffering, disappointed, or when we do not understand why a difficult situation is happening.

Everything we have has actually been given to us by God.  True gratefulness is understanding that we deserve nothing at all.

 Gratefulness is not only saying, “thank you,” for the benefits we receive from others; it is expressing to others how God has used them to work in our lives.

Activities

Tea Time

Handout for Parents for further discussion at home:

Gratitude or self-pity: your choice!.

There are lots of reasons to feel ungrateful. Of course these reasons are all bad ones, but that never seems to matter when self-pity comes calling. In contrast, Thessalonians tells us that it is God’s will that we be thankful. So, Christian you have a choice to make – trust God or your own assessment of your circumstances. Gratitude is to identify you as a person. For this to occur, at least three truths must frame your understanding of gratitude:

First truth:  gratitude is based upon unchanging truth, not changing circumstances.

God’s goodness to you is never in doubt. Ephesians 1:7-8 says God has lavished his riches upon you. This blessing is certain. Redemption belongs to you as God’s child and you will never lose it. No circumstance can change this certain reality – so no circumstance should diminish your gratitude for God’s grace. Do not allow uncertain and changing circumstances to diminish the joy of God’s faithfulness to you.

Second  truth:  gratitude is based upon commitment, not the performance of others.

The gospel is all about God’s commitment to you. God works all things for the good of those who love him. The Holy Spirit is a deposit guaranteeing your inheritance (Eph. 1:14). By implication, the gospel means that you don’t have to evaluate the performance of others to determine whether or not you can be thankful. Think about it. How often does discouragement come from what you view as the failed performances of others; If only my wife were not so demanding, if only my husband were not so thick-headed, if only my kids were not so selfish, if only, if only… 

God’s will for you is gratitude. The more you focus on the performance of others, the less you will be dominated by gratitude.

Third truth:  gratitude is based upon mercy, not expectations.

The story of the ungrateful servant in Matthew 18:23-35 demonstrates what happens when you lose sight of the mercy of God. When this happens you will be more critical when those around you do not meet your expectations. You will be dominated by discouragement and even bitterness, instead of mercy and compassion. God extends mercy and compassion to you even when you fall far short of his commands. Mercy is not something you extend because someone has pleased you. Mercy is unmerited favor. Yet, when your expectations are not met, there is the natural drive of the flesh to be hurt and to withdraw, then gratitude is nowhere to be found. Gratitude should flow from the mercy extended to you when others struggle and fail.

The struggles of those closest to you are God-given opportunities to show kindness, compassion and mercy.

Gratitude is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus. You can be thankful for all that God has given you, including the struggles of those you love most.

Self-pity anticipates discouragement. Gratitude anticipates eternity. Your choice.

Article written by Jay Younts and found here

http://www.shepherdpress.com/gratitude-or-self-pity-your-choice/

Jay Younts is the Shepherd Press blogger. He is the author of Everyday Talk and other materials on parenting. He has been teaching and speaking on parenting issues for 30 years. Jay and his wife, Ruth, live in Fountain Inn, South Carolina. He serves as a ruling elder at Redeemer Presbyterian Church in Moore, South Carolina. He and Ruth have five adult children.

Standing Alone

Welcome 2014...may the Lord continue to bless us and keep us and provide all that we need to grow in our faith, hope, and most importantly, love for Him and one another!  We kicked off the new year with our first meeting, and the last meeting of Set 4 materials.  The topic was...Standing Alone.

Set Four Meeting Seven – Standing Alone

Listen to CD

Illustrations:

Jonathan and his armor bearer (1 Samuel 14)

Daniel and his friends  (Daniel 3)

Peter’s denial (Matt. 26)

Foxe’s Book of Martyrs by John Foxe

Sword Drill:

Joshua 1:9

Acts 5:19-21

Romans 1:16

Luke 9:26

Main Concepts to Stress:

         In order to apply all these lessons in Set 4 (Holiness, Discernment, Our Words, Friends, Polluting Influences, Courtship…), we must be willing to stand alone.  Friends and those around us may think we’re strange, laugh at us, pressure us to do things the world’s way, or misunderstand our decisions.  It will require strength, courage and boldness to follow God’s ways.

        Many, many people take the broad path, but only a few are willing to take the narrow road.  If we are seeking to do things God’s way rather than man’s way, we can expect to be different, lonely, persecuted, and misunderstood.  This will be difficult.  It will require faith.  But we are seeking God’s rewards not man’s – and the rewards will be worth it.  Hebrews  11:6, “But without faith it is impossible to please Him:  for he that cometh to God must believe that He is, and that He is a rewarder of them that diligently seek Him.”                                                                                                                                                                        

        Activities

       Craft / Ministry opp (writing bday cards for the amazing Miss Anna Kirk, without whom Bellevue Bright Lights would never have been started!)

       Teatime - a HUGE thank you to our own lovely Vanessa for the donation of the beautiful new teacups!!!  :)

Courtship Parts 1 and 2...and Christmas Party!

Our last two meetings have been on the topic of Courtship.  Sometimes it becomes apparent that a particular area of discipleship might need more than one meeting to make sure the concepts are clear to the girls, and this was one of those times.

Our first meeting on the subject involved watching a wonderful DVD called Essential Principles for a Successful Courtship by Dr. S.M. Davis.  Dr. Davis and his wife run a ministry called Solve Family Problems, and offer a large variety of materials on many different issues.  We purchased quite a few of his DVD's at a Homeschool Convention last year and have loved his down to earth teaching style.  His ministry website is located at http://www.solvefamilyproblems.org/SearchResults.asp?Cat=1853

Meeting number two was designed to make sure that the girls would be able to truly understand and articulate the differences between courtship and dating.  This is a bit of an ambiguous subject from the outside and many of us adults have a hard time being able to understand the differences ourselves.  But once we dug in a little deeper and wrote the differences up on the whiteboard - it was VERY clear that the two systems are different in every way.

Being a bit of a word geek, I decided to start off by researching the words "date or dating" as used in modern romantic context, and the word "courtship".  This was a great springboard into our discussion...

But first a few pictures from our Christmas party...Merry Christmas everyone, see you in 2014!!

Courtship

1828 Webster’s Dictionary
The term “date” or “dating” as we know it today does not exist

      “Courtship”:  1.  The act of soliciting favor.  2.  The act of wooing in love; solicitation of a woman to  marriage.  3.  Civility; elegance of manners.

1913  Webster's Dictionary

      ‘Date’ in modern terms still hasn’t made an appearance

      ‘Courtship’ definition remains the same with the following addition:  “This method of courtship, [by which] both sides are prepared for all the matrimonial adventures that are to follow.  Goldsmith.”

Modern Webster Dictionary

           Date:  1.  an appointment to meet at a specified time; especially :  a social engagement between two persons that often has a romantic character  2.  A person with whom one usually has a romantic date  3.  to do an activity with someone you might have a romantic relationship with : to go on a date or several dates with (someone)  4. to go out on usually romantic dates

     Courtship:  the activities that occur when people are developing a romantic relationship that could lead to marriage or the period of time when such activities occur.

Defining Courtship and Dating

Let's begin by defining courtship. Courtship ordinarily begins when a single man approaches a single woman by going through the woman's father, and then conducts his relationship with the woman under the authority of her father, family, or church, whichever is most appropriate.

Courtship always has marriage as its direct goal.

What then is dating? Dating, a more modern approach, begins when either the man or the woman initiates a more- than-friends relationship with the other, and then they conduct that relationship outside of any oversight or authority.

Dating  may or may not have marriage as it’s goal.

The Differences Between Courtship and Dating

What are the differences in these two systems? For our purposes, there are three broad differences between what has been called “biblical courtship” and “modern dating.”

     1.  The Difference in Motive

 The first difference lies with the man's motive in pursuing the relationship. Biblical courtship has one motive — to find a spouse. A man will court a particular woman because he believes it is possible that he could marry her, and the courtship is the process of discerning whether that belief is correct. To the extent that the Bible addresses premarital relationships at all, it uses the language of men marrying and women being given in marriage (see Matt. 24:38; Luke 20:34-35).  Numbers 30:3-16 talks about a transfer of authority from the father to the husband when a woman leaves her father's house and is united to her husband. The Song of Solomon showcases the meeting, courtship, and marriage of a couple — always with marriage in view. 

Modern dating, on the other hand, need not have marriage as a goal at all. Dating can be recreational. Not only is "dating for fun" acceptable, it is assumed that "practice" and learning by "trial and error" are necessary, even advisable, before finding the person that is just right for you. The fact that individuals will be emotionally and probably physically intimate with many people before settling down with the "right person" is just part of the deal. Yet where is the biblical support for such an approach to marriage? There is none.

     2.   The Difference in Mind-set

Modern dating is essentially a selfish endeavor. I do not mean maliciously selfish, as in "I'm going to try to hurt you for my benefit." I mean an oblivious self-centeredness that treats the whole process as

ultimately about me. After all, what is the main question everyone asks about dating, falling in

love, and getting married? "How do I know if I've found the one?" What is the unspoken ending to that question? "For me."

Selfishness is not what drives a biblical marriage, and therefore should not be what drives a biblical courtship. Biblical courtship recognizes the general call to "do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves" (Phil. 2:3, NIV).  Marriage is about sacrificial giving, not selfish taking.

Biblical courtship means that you do not look for a laundry list of characteristics that comprise your fantasy future husband so that your every desire can be fulfilled…but that you look for a godly man as Scripture defines.

In other words, modern dating asks, "How can I find the one for me?" Biblical courtship asks, "How can I be the one for him?"

     3.  The Difference in Methods

Third, and most practically, modern dating and biblical courtship are different in their methods.

And this is where the rubber really meets the road. In modern dating, intimacy precedes commitment. In biblical courtship, commitment precedes intimacy.

According to the current school of thought, the best way to figure out whether you want to marry a particular person is to act as if you are married and see if you like it. Spend large amounts of time alone together. Become each other's primary emotional confidantes. Share your deepest secrets and desires. Get to know that person better than anyone else in your life. Grow your physical intimacy and intensity on the same track as your emotional intimacy. What you do and say together is private and is no one else's business, and since the relationship is private, you need not submit to anyone else's authority or be accountable. And if this pseudo-marriage works for both of you, then get married. But if one or both of you do not like how it is going, go ahead and break up even if it means going through something like an emotional and probably

physical divorce.  Such is the process of finding "the one," and this can happen with several different people before one finally marries. In the self-centered world of secular dating, we want as much information as possible to ensure that the right de cision is being made. And if we can enjoy a little physical or emotional comfort along the way, great.

Clearly, this is not the biblical picture. The process just described is hurtful to the woman that the man purports to care about, not to mention to himself. And it clearly violates the command of 1 Thessalonians 4:6 not to wrong or defraud his sisters in Christ by implying a marriage-level commitment where one does not exist. It will have a damaging effect on the man's marriage and hers, whether they marry each other or not.  In Biblical relationship, commitment precedes intimacy. Within this model, the man should follow the admonition in 1 Timothy 5:1-2 to treat all young women to whom he is not married as sisters, with absolute purity. The man should show leadership and willingness to bear the risk of rejection by defining the nature and the pace of the relationship. He should do this before spending significant time alone with her in order to avoid hurting or confusing her.  He should also seek to ensure that a significant amount of time is spent with other couples or friends rather than alone. The topics, manner, and frequency of conversations should be characterized by the desire to become acquainted with each other more deeply, but not in a way that defrauds each other. There should be no physical intimacy outside the context of marriage, and the couple should seek accountability for the spiritual health and progress of the relationship, as well as for their physical and emotional intimacy. Within this model, both parties should seek to find out, before God, whether they should be married, and whether they can service and honor God better together than apart. The man should take care not to treat any woman like his wife who is not his wife. Of course he must get to know his courting partner well enough to make a decision on marriage. However, prior to the decision to marry, he  should always engage with her emotionally in a way he would be happy for other men to engage with her.  

In all these ways, a biblical relationship looks different from a worldly relationship. If this is done well, Christian women will be honored, even as they are pursued. Christian wives will be honored. And God will be glorified.

All material taken from:  http://www.alertcadet.org/wp-content/uploads/2009/07/courtship-vs-dating.pdf