GRATEFULNESS

We have officially started the new set of materials, and are now on the back half of the entire program!  Set Five Meeting One was on the topic of Gratefulness...here's a quick little video I had planned on showing the girls, but ran out of time.  That's the great thing about this blog, I can always add things in that get missed at the meeting :)

                         SET FIVE / MEETING ONE  -  GRATEFULNESS

Introduction to the Set

Set 5 “Children of God without Fault” is based upon Philippians 2: 14-15 “Do all things without murmurings and disputings:  That ye may be blameless and harmless, the sons of God, without rebuke, in the midst of a crooked and perverse nation, among whom ye shine as lights in the world.”

This verse brings our attention to the fact that in order to be lights in the world, we need to make it through each circumstance of life with no murmurings or disputings.  This set expands on that idea encouraging young ladies to examine their words.  Complaining, arguing, teasing, gossip, and disrespect will be discussed in detail.  The reason that we start with the topic of graftefulness is because it is an underlying trait required to apply to our next meeting (complaining), and it is an important character trait to be working on through this entire set.

Rejoicing is a decision – primarily an act of the will, not of emotions.  Do not give into the enemy’s attacks of discouragement.  Stop and consider the amazing privilege it is to be a servant of the Most High God.  May His joy be yours all the day (Ps. 5:11)  “But let all who take refuge in Thee be glad, let them every sing for joy; and mayest Thou shelter them, that those who love Thy name may exult in Thee.”

Stories

The story of the ten lepers (Luke 17: 11-19)

Personal testimony of a time when you complained, instead of showing gratefulness, or when the Lord reminded you to show gratitude in the midst of difficulty.   Explain any consequences or blessings resulting from your attitude.

Personal testimony of a time when someone else expressed gratefulness to you (or failed to be grateful) and how this affected you.

     

Sword Drill

Deut. 8:10     Ps. 119: 62,71,75     Lk. 17: 11-19     Eph. 5: 19-20    Phil. 4: 6, 11-13    

1 Chr. 16:8    Col. 3:15   1 Thess. 5:18    1 Tim. 1:12    Heb. 13:15    1 Peter 2:9  

Col. 1: 11-12

Main Concepts to Stress:

An attitude of gratefulness is only possible if we are willing trust that God knows best in every detail of our lives.  God deserves our thanks and gratitude not only when we are happy with our circumstances, but also when we are suffering, disappointed, or when we do not understand why a difficult situation is happening.

Everything we have has actually been given to us by God.  True gratefulness is understanding that we deserve nothing at all.

 Gratefulness is not only saying, “thank you,” for the benefits we receive from others; it is expressing to others how God has used them to work in our lives.

Activities

Tea Time

Handout for Parents for further discussion at home:

Gratitude or self-pity: your choice!.

There are lots of reasons to feel ungrateful. Of course these reasons are all bad ones, but that never seems to matter when self-pity comes calling. In contrast, Thessalonians tells us that it is God’s will that we be thankful. So, Christian you have a choice to make – trust God or your own assessment of your circumstances. Gratitude is to identify you as a person. For this to occur, at least three truths must frame your understanding of gratitude:

First truth:  gratitude is based upon unchanging truth, not changing circumstances.

God’s goodness to you is never in doubt. Ephesians 1:7-8 says God has lavished his riches upon you. This blessing is certain. Redemption belongs to you as God’s child and you will never lose it. No circumstance can change this certain reality – so no circumstance should diminish your gratitude for God’s grace. Do not allow uncertain and changing circumstances to diminish the joy of God’s faithfulness to you.

Second  truth:  gratitude is based upon commitment, not the performance of others.

The gospel is all about God’s commitment to you. God works all things for the good of those who love him. The Holy Spirit is a deposit guaranteeing your inheritance (Eph. 1:14). By implication, the gospel means that you don’t have to evaluate the performance of others to determine whether or not you can be thankful. Think about it. How often does discouragement come from what you view as the failed performances of others; If only my wife were not so demanding, if only my husband were not so thick-headed, if only my kids were not so selfish, if only, if only… 

God’s will for you is gratitude. The more you focus on the performance of others, the less you will be dominated by gratitude.

Third truth:  gratitude is based upon mercy, not expectations.

The story of the ungrateful servant in Matthew 18:23-35 demonstrates what happens when you lose sight of the mercy of God. When this happens you will be more critical when those around you do not meet your expectations. You will be dominated by discouragement and even bitterness, instead of mercy and compassion. God extends mercy and compassion to you even when you fall far short of his commands. Mercy is not something you extend because someone has pleased you. Mercy is unmerited favor. Yet, when your expectations are not met, there is the natural drive of the flesh to be hurt and to withdraw, then gratitude is nowhere to be found. Gratitude should flow from the mercy extended to you when others struggle and fail.

The struggles of those closest to you are God-given opportunities to show kindness, compassion and mercy.

Gratitude is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus. You can be thankful for all that God has given you, including the struggles of those you love most.

Self-pity anticipates discouragement. Gratitude anticipates eternity. Your choice.

Article written by Jay Younts and found here

http://www.shepherdpress.com/gratitude-or-self-pity-your-choice/

Jay Younts is the Shepherd Press blogger. He is the author of Everyday Talk and other materials on parenting. He has been teaching and speaking on parenting issues for 30 years. Jay and his wife, Ruth, live in Fountain Inn, South Carolina. He serves as a ruling elder at Redeemer Presbyterian Church in Moore, South Carolina. He and Ruth have five adult children.

Standing Alone

Welcome 2014...may the Lord continue to bless us and keep us and provide all that we need to grow in our faith, hope, and most importantly, love for Him and one another!  We kicked off the new year with our first meeting, and the last meeting of Set 4 materials.  The topic was...Standing Alone.

Set Four Meeting Seven – Standing Alone

Listen to CD

Illustrations:

Jonathan and his armor bearer (1 Samuel 14)

Daniel and his friends  (Daniel 3)

Peter’s denial (Matt. 26)

Foxe’s Book of Martyrs by John Foxe

Sword Drill:

Joshua 1:9

Acts 5:19-21

Romans 1:16

Luke 9:26

Main Concepts to Stress:

         In order to apply all these lessons in Set 4 (Holiness, Discernment, Our Words, Friends, Polluting Influences, Courtship…), we must be willing to stand alone.  Friends and those around us may think we’re strange, laugh at us, pressure us to do things the world’s way, or misunderstand our decisions.  It will require strength, courage and boldness to follow God’s ways.

        Many, many people take the broad path, but only a few are willing to take the narrow road.  If we are seeking to do things God’s way rather than man’s way, we can expect to be different, lonely, persecuted, and misunderstood.  This will be difficult.  It will require faith.  But we are seeking God’s rewards not man’s – and the rewards will be worth it.  Hebrews  11:6, “But without faith it is impossible to please Him:  for he that cometh to God must believe that He is, and that He is a rewarder of them that diligently seek Him.”                                                                                                                                                                        

        Activities

       Craft / Ministry opp (writing bday cards for the amazing Miss Anna Kirk, without whom Bellevue Bright Lights would never have been started!)

       Teatime - a HUGE thank you to our own lovely Vanessa for the donation of the beautiful new teacups!!!  :)

Courtship Parts 1 and 2...and Christmas Party!

Our last two meetings have been on the topic of Courtship.  Sometimes it becomes apparent that a particular area of discipleship might need more than one meeting to make sure the concepts are clear to the girls, and this was one of those times.

Our first meeting on the subject involved watching a wonderful DVD called Essential Principles for a Successful Courtship by Dr. S.M. Davis.  Dr. Davis and his wife run a ministry called Solve Family Problems, and offer a large variety of materials on many different issues.  We purchased quite a few of his DVD's at a Homeschool Convention last year and have loved his down to earth teaching style.  His ministry website is located at http://www.solvefamilyproblems.org/SearchResults.asp?Cat=1853

Meeting number two was designed to make sure that the girls would be able to truly understand and articulate the differences between courtship and dating.  This is a bit of an ambiguous subject from the outside and many of us adults have a hard time being able to understand the differences ourselves.  But once we dug in a little deeper and wrote the differences up on the whiteboard - it was VERY clear that the two systems are different in every way.

Being a bit of a word geek, I decided to start off by researching the words "date or dating" as used in modern romantic context, and the word "courtship".  This was a great springboard into our discussion...

But first a few pictures from our Christmas party...Merry Christmas everyone, see you in 2014!!

Courtship

1828 Webster’s Dictionary
The term “date” or “dating” as we know it today does not exist

      “Courtship”:  1.  The act of soliciting favor.  2.  The act of wooing in love; solicitation of a woman to  marriage.  3.  Civility; elegance of manners.

1913  Webster's Dictionary

      ‘Date’ in modern terms still hasn’t made an appearance

      ‘Courtship’ definition remains the same with the following addition:  “This method of courtship, [by which] both sides are prepared for all the matrimonial adventures that are to follow.  Goldsmith.”

Modern Webster Dictionary

           Date:  1.  an appointment to meet at a specified time; especially :  a social engagement between two persons that often has a romantic character  2.  A person with whom one usually has a romantic date  3.  to do an activity with someone you might have a romantic relationship with : to go on a date or several dates with (someone)  4. to go out on usually romantic dates

     Courtship:  the activities that occur when people are developing a romantic relationship that could lead to marriage or the period of time when such activities occur.

Defining Courtship and Dating

Let's begin by defining courtship. Courtship ordinarily begins when a single man approaches a single woman by going through the woman's father, and then conducts his relationship with the woman under the authority of her father, family, or church, whichever is most appropriate.

Courtship always has marriage as its direct goal.

What then is dating? Dating, a more modern approach, begins when either the man or the woman initiates a more- than-friends relationship with the other, and then they conduct that relationship outside of any oversight or authority.

Dating  may or may not have marriage as it’s goal.

The Differences Between Courtship and Dating

What are the differences in these two systems? For our purposes, there are three broad differences between what has been called “biblical courtship” and “modern dating.”

     1.  The Difference in Motive

 The first difference lies with the man's motive in pursuing the relationship. Biblical courtship has one motive — to find a spouse. A man will court a particular woman because he believes it is possible that he could marry her, and the courtship is the process of discerning whether that belief is correct. To the extent that the Bible addresses premarital relationships at all, it uses the language of men marrying and women being given in marriage (see Matt. 24:38; Luke 20:34-35).  Numbers 30:3-16 talks about a transfer of authority from the father to the husband when a woman leaves her father's house and is united to her husband. The Song of Solomon showcases the meeting, courtship, and marriage of a couple — always with marriage in view. 

Modern dating, on the other hand, need not have marriage as a goal at all. Dating can be recreational. Not only is "dating for fun" acceptable, it is assumed that "practice" and learning by "trial and error" are necessary, even advisable, before finding the person that is just right for you. The fact that individuals will be emotionally and probably physically intimate with many people before settling down with the "right person" is just part of the deal. Yet where is the biblical support for such an approach to marriage? There is none.

     2.   The Difference in Mind-set

Modern dating is essentially a selfish endeavor. I do not mean maliciously selfish, as in "I'm going to try to hurt you for my benefit." I mean an oblivious self-centeredness that treats the whole process as

ultimately about me. After all, what is the main question everyone asks about dating, falling in

love, and getting married? "How do I know if I've found the one?" What is the unspoken ending to that question? "For me."

Selfishness is not what drives a biblical marriage, and therefore should not be what drives a biblical courtship. Biblical courtship recognizes the general call to "do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves" (Phil. 2:3, NIV).  Marriage is about sacrificial giving, not selfish taking.

Biblical courtship means that you do not look for a laundry list of characteristics that comprise your fantasy future husband so that your every desire can be fulfilled…but that you look for a godly man as Scripture defines.

In other words, modern dating asks, "How can I find the one for me?" Biblical courtship asks, "How can I be the one for him?"

     3.  The Difference in Methods

Third, and most practically, modern dating and biblical courtship are different in their methods.

And this is where the rubber really meets the road. In modern dating, intimacy precedes commitment. In biblical courtship, commitment precedes intimacy.

According to the current school of thought, the best way to figure out whether you want to marry a particular person is to act as if you are married and see if you like it. Spend large amounts of time alone together. Become each other's primary emotional confidantes. Share your deepest secrets and desires. Get to know that person better than anyone else in your life. Grow your physical intimacy and intensity on the same track as your emotional intimacy. What you do and say together is private and is no one else's business, and since the relationship is private, you need not submit to anyone else's authority or be accountable. And if this pseudo-marriage works for both of you, then get married. But if one or both of you do not like how it is going, go ahead and break up even if it means going through something like an emotional and probably

physical divorce.  Such is the process of finding "the one," and this can happen with several different people before one finally marries. In the self-centered world of secular dating, we want as much information as possible to ensure that the right de cision is being made. And if we can enjoy a little physical or emotional comfort along the way, great.

Clearly, this is not the biblical picture. The process just described is hurtful to the woman that the man purports to care about, not to mention to himself. And it clearly violates the command of 1 Thessalonians 4:6 not to wrong or defraud his sisters in Christ by implying a marriage-level commitment where one does not exist. It will have a damaging effect on the man's marriage and hers, whether they marry each other or not.  In Biblical relationship, commitment precedes intimacy. Within this model, the man should follow the admonition in 1 Timothy 5:1-2 to treat all young women to whom he is not married as sisters, with absolute purity. The man should show leadership and willingness to bear the risk of rejection by defining the nature and the pace of the relationship. He should do this before spending significant time alone with her in order to avoid hurting or confusing her.  He should also seek to ensure that a significant amount of time is spent with other couples or friends rather than alone. The topics, manner, and frequency of conversations should be characterized by the desire to become acquainted with each other more deeply, but not in a way that defrauds each other. There should be no physical intimacy outside the context of marriage, and the couple should seek accountability for the spiritual health and progress of the relationship, as well as for their physical and emotional intimacy. Within this model, both parties should seek to find out, before God, whether they should be married, and whether they can service and honor God better together than apart. The man should take care not to treat any woman like his wife who is not his wife. Of course he must get to know his courting partner well enough to make a decision on marriage. However, prior to the decision to marry, he  should always engage with her emotionally in a way he would be happy for other men to engage with her.  

In all these ways, a biblical relationship looks different from a worldly relationship. If this is done well, Christian women will be honored, even as they are pursued. Christian wives will be honored. And God will be glorified.

All material taken from:  http://www.alertcadet.org/wp-content/uploads/2009/07/courtship-vs-dating.pdf

Polluting Influences

At our last meeting, we prayed for a full house this time around, and we got it - 11 regular members and a guest!  This was another great meeting with a lot of sharing...please keep Bright Lights in your prayers as we continue to move forward in the material.  Our topic this week was Polluting Influences.

Set 4 Meeting 5 – Polluting Influences

Supplemental CD

Scripture:

-         Psalm 101:3

-         Psalm 119:37

-         2 Corinthians 7:1

-         2 Timothy 2: 19 – 22

Sword Drill:

-         1 Jn. 2: 15 – 16

-         Acts 19:19

-         2 Cor. 6:17

-         Ps. 101:3

-         Mt. 15:18

-         2 Cor. 7:1

-         Prov. 13:20

-         Deut. 7:26

Main Concepts:

The enemy doesn’t want us to be bright lights for the Lord.  In an effort to hinder our testimony, he has many traps, weapons, and tactics that he uses against us.  One way that he damages the light of many young people is through polluting influences which distract and contaminate.  Identify and be on guard against these influences.

Using time wisely.

 

Identifying Polluting Influences: 

Screen Time

TV – The average American over the age of 2 spends more than 34 hours a week watching live television, plus another 3 – 6 hours watching taped programs (movies).  What’s the agenda behind what we're watching?  We talked about our 'eye gates' and how it may take only one second to put something in front of our eyes, but once we have seen something, we may have to work very hard, for a very long time to try to get that image out of our mind...

Video Games – Linked to being antisocial, overweight, unhealthy, violent, aggressive, etc…Americans spend an average of 13 hours per week playing video games. http://www.foxnews.com/health/2012/08/13/teens-and-video-games-how-much-is-too-much/

Music – Can be linked to depression.  Considering many of today’s lyrics which focus on self, problems, relationship troubles, violence, indeceny, material wealth, etc…not surprising.  We talked about how our 'ear gates' are like our 'eye gates'...once we allow something in, if it's a polluting influence, we will have quite a battle on our hands in trying to get it out of our minds.

Good music is a joy to listen to, and a way to worship the Lord.  In fact, we are told in Ephesians 5:19 that we should be "Speaking to yourselves in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody in your heart to the Lord." 

However, music can also be a powerful way for the enemy to seduce us into worldly thinking.  There is evidence in scripture (Ezekiel 28: 12 - 19) that Satan was created with musical instruments in his actual being...and many think he was the leader of worship in Heaven before his pride caused his fall and expulsion from that holy place.  It is very important to be discerning in this area and especially at this age where music is such a influence in young girls lives.

http://www.learnthebible.org/satan-the-musician.html

http://healthland.time.com/2011/04/12/study-are-music-loving-teens-more-likely-to-be-depressed/

Thought Life - This is an area that can also lead to depression among other things.  I shared about how to 'take our thoughts captive', to hold them up against the truth of God's word, and to replace the lie of the wrong thought with God's truth. 

This was a concept I learned very late in life...just because a certain thought came into my head, I didn't have to keep thinking about it or follow it to it's conclusion.  Thoughts can create grooves in our minds and when they pop up, we just naturally tend to follow it around it's course...in my past, this would have led me eventually down the path of depression. 

It was one of the most amazing revelations to me when a sister in Christ taught me the concept of learning how to take my thoughts captive!  I was able to break that cycle of depression - but it was a hard battle.  Some days I would have to take the thought captive and replace it with God's truth every minute of the day.  I was tired, but I wasn't alone in my fight...the Holy Spirit was right there with me, encouraging me, teaching me, and putting the right people in my path to help me along the way. 

Medications are sometimes necessary to deal with depression in the short term...but they are merely bandaids, the world's 'prescription'.  To receive a truly healing spiritual 'prescription', you must identify the root of your depression (not just give it the blanket name of depression...but ask God to reveal the true root cause) and counteract the lie with His word.  It's not an easy battle, but with God, truly ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE and through the power of His Holy Spirit we already have the victory!


Youth Groups -

Interestingly enough, something that came up at our meeting on polluting influences, was the typical 'youth group' culture of today's church.  It weighs very heavy on my heart that most youth groups in our churches are little more than social gatherings where kids are listening to worldly music, spending their time flirting with one another, playing games, watching movies, and eating pizza.  How do I know this?  I've talked to many young ladies and asked them to honestly tell me what their youth group looks like.

 

A few years ago, a Barna study revealed that as many as 3 out of 5 of our kids will abandon their faith by the time they graduate high school...this fact is very concerning, don't you think?

 

I believe the number 2 reason they mention in that study, directly speaks to the failing of the youth group scenario existing in most churches:

 

Reason #2 – Teens’ and twentysomethings’ experience of Christianity is shallow.

A second reason that young people depart church as young adults is that something is lacking in their experience of church. One-third said “church is boring” (31%). One-quarter of these young adults said that “faith is not relevant to my career or interests” (24%) or that “the Bible is not taught clearly or often enough” (23%). Sadly, one-fifth of these young adults who attended a church as a teenager said that “God seems missing from my experience of church” (20%).

 

Here is the link to the Barna page, I encourage you to take a look at all 6 reasons the study pinpointed.

https://www.barna.org/teens-next-gen-articles/528-six-reasons-young-christians-leave-church

 

Friends - we pretty much covered this last week...

Focusing on boys - covered in BYMPC

Activity

3 great object lessons…

1.     Polish the silver…great picture of how removing polluting influences (the tarnish) produces a clean, shiny, and very bright gleam.  Read about Jesus cleansing the temple, and about how Phinehas cleansed the sin from the camp.

2.     Spoonful of mud in a batch of cookies?  Not really, but what a great picture…who’d eat that?!

3.  1 drop of food coloring changes the whole glass of water (thousands of drops!)...a little sin affects the whole thing.

Friends

Bright Lights Meeting 4 Set 4 – Friends

Three Significant Decisions…

By the age of 10, everyone has made, or is beginning to make, 3 decisions that will have a huge impact on their lives:

1.)                       How we will respond to authority

2.)                      What friends we will choose

3.)                      Whether we will be a “giver” or a “taker”

The following pattern is often observable in groups:

-        Those who are rebellious attract each other and form a clique

-        The weak Christians attract each other and for a group

-        The stronger Christians also attract each other and can unfortunately, often appear to be as a clique

-        But the most mature believers are focused on the needs around them.  Rather than being in a clique with their friends, they are willing to seek out the weaker or needy ones, and give to them.  These people are givers instead of takers.

 

 

 

Scripture:

1 Kings 12

Proverbs 17:17

Proverbs 22:24

James 4:4

1 John1: 3, 7

1 Corinthians 15:33

Proverbs 13:20

 

 

Main Concepts:

1.)           Scripture warns us that we will be very influenced by those whom we choose as our friends.  If we desire to be srong for the Lord, we need to choose wise friends who will build us up, and we need to be discerning as to which friends may influence us in wrong ways.

2.)          Many young ladies struggle with the friendships they have in their lives.  Some feel they have no friends; others have difficulties in the relationships with the friends they have.  These problems can quickly be cleared up if we focus on being a “giver” instead of a “taker” in our relationships.

3.)          Our focus is to be on how to BE a friend, not how to HAVE a friend.  Character traits to develop in our lives in order to be a good friend include availability, sensitivity, kindness, compassion, loyalty, faithfulness, etc.

4.)          Overcoming barriers to being a good friend like shyness, vanity, selfishness…

5.)          Delighting in the Lord and getting to know Him as your BFF J

6.)          The dangers of becoming close friends with young men.

 

Activities

Tea Time

A big thank you to all the amazing young ladies that make up the Bellevue Bright Lights group!!  God bless you all J